And it's time to start again. First, an update. All the fabulous, beautiful progress? Reversed. Passed GO, but in the wrong direction. Evidently, my close encounter with death, in the form of one of my dads, was too much for my system. I haven't figured all that out yet, but am hoping that the large amounts of money and time I'm funneling toward that will help.
In the meantime, my fibro has gotten particularly nasty again, and I've tried in many fits and starts to get back in the groove.
This time, though, it has all the makings to smack of the Real Deal. I met with a personal trainer at the Y who specializes in working with people "with limitations." Yep, I think that's me right now. I presented her with this body that feels pretty foreign to me, and she, bless her heart, gave me a weights regimen that I could and can actually do. And guess what? I'm actually doing it! Three times a week, for two weeks before my vacation, and today got right back to it.
Did you hear that? Vacation? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I just got away for an entire week, to rest in sunny Miami. The hostel was great, the weather was beautiful. The catch? The beach was almost a mile away. Now that sounds like nothing, and actually looks like nothing on the map. After all, it's only several blocks. But for this body, that was a whooooole lot. But, a sandy beach is a great motivator, and I am thrilled to say that I stepped up to the challenge. Logged several miles, EVERY day. Granted, with lots of breaks in between. But, I did it. And now I know that I can again. Am I PSYCHED?!?!
Got the word today from my dr. that I need to, somehow, reallocate my finite resources so that more of them are spent on me. How I'm going to do that, and still get the kids and my DH what they need is beyond me. However, I am doing my best to surrender and not know all the answers. I went home, asked DH to make dinner, called and made a long overdue appt. to see the podiatrist for orthotics, and set out for a walk. To the library, at which I'm now blogging, while resting said achy feet. And then, I'm going to walk back!
One day at a time, one step at a time, on this spiraling journey called life, I will keep going. I have set a long-term goal that feels, well, do-able, not to mention incredibly important: I want my inner figure to be visible by the time I'm forty, because I want the energy. And, dammit, I want the fabulous body!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Monday, January 31, 2011
Hello, new jeans!
Seriously, is there anything else in the world that can boost one's self esteem as much as actually fitting into a new pair of skinny jeans? Ok, yes, I know there are other, possibly more worthy goals, but, come on--this rocks! 3 sizes smaller than December, folks. THREE. Absotively, posolutely motivating.
Fun note for the day: I learned how to salsa! I finally got myself to the Y's aqua zumba class today, and it was pretty fun. Maybe not a class I'll knock myself out to get to, but definitely good to be working out in the water again.
Surprise for the day: I cut myself the barest sliver of yummy chocolate cake tonight at a momma get together...and it was actually too sweet. True confessions: I ate a handful of chickpeas afterwards, chased by a pint of water. Truth really is stranger than fiction.
Fun note for the day: I learned how to salsa! I finally got myself to the Y's aqua zumba class today, and it was pretty fun. Maybe not a class I'll knock myself out to get to, but definitely good to be working out in the water again.
Surprise for the day: I cut myself the barest sliver of yummy chocolate cake tonight at a momma get together...and it was actually too sweet. True confessions: I ate a handful of chickpeas afterwards, chased by a pint of water. Truth really is stranger than fiction.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Green smoothies, here I come...
In my never-ending quest for knowledge (dripping a wee bit of sarcasm here), I've unearthed a book called The green smoothie revolution, by V. Boutenko (yes, if I were cooler, I would make this an active link; alas, I am a tired, foggy brained momma). At any rate, she makes a case for distinguishing between fruits, vegetables, and greens. Her argument is that greens are fundamentally different, and that we need loads of them every day. The take away message that I got is: add greens to my morning smoothie. So, there you are folks, my kernel of knowledge for the day.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I'm back....in the saddle, again
After all the stress, I ended up decompressing in a not-so-great way. And yet, not so terribly bad, either.
True, there was pizza to be had by all, more than once.
And after one particularly stressful evening, I took myself quite deliberately to the store for (1) a jar of hot fudge sauce, (2) a pint of chocolate chocolate chip ice cream, and (3) a pan of brownies. Immediately opened the brownies in the car, ate a medium sized piece, and then, to my complete and utter surprise, I was done. Completely satisfied. Craving over. (True confessions: I didn't *really* believe my own self, and had a spoonful of fudge anyway...but I'm not sure why.)
That led to a slippery slope of, "Well, maybe I'm only sort of on this plan..." But that didn't really feel right, and definitely didn't feel good. So, over the past few days I have lurched and tugged and pulled myself back on track, and it feels great!
Now, I am happy to say that I feel fully back on the program. And, wow, is this food delicious! Once again, I am marveling on how this plan jumped out at me in the bookstore, right when I wasn't looking. Thank you, Universe.
In the midst of all this food angst, I went to a dancing and hooping party this weekend, and wore my fun, fancy, funky patent red leather high heeled Mary Janes...what a blast!
True, there was pizza to be had by all, more than once.
And after one particularly stressful evening, I took myself quite deliberately to the store for (1) a jar of hot fudge sauce, (2) a pint of chocolate chocolate chip ice cream, and (3) a pan of brownies. Immediately opened the brownies in the car, ate a medium sized piece, and then, to my complete and utter surprise, I was done. Completely satisfied. Craving over. (True confessions: I didn't *really* believe my own self, and had a spoonful of fudge anyway...but I'm not sure why.)
That led to a slippery slope of, "Well, maybe I'm only sort of on this plan..." But that didn't really feel right, and definitely didn't feel good. So, over the past few days I have lurched and tugged and pulled myself back on track, and it feels great!
Now, I am happy to say that I feel fully back on the program. And, wow, is this food delicious! Once again, I am marveling on how this plan jumped out at me in the bookstore, right when I wasn't looking. Thank you, Universe.
In the midst of all this food angst, I went to a dancing and hooping party this weekend, and wore my fun, fancy, funky patent red leather high heeled Mary Janes...what a blast!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Just checking in
Nutritionally, today, the focus was on staying as close to the path as possible, while straying as much as necessary. So, breakfast was right on track. Lunch, not so much so. The two coffees were at least decaf. The copious amounts of chocolate? Yeah, that was pretty much bushwhacking a new trail through the wilderness of life. Fortunately, the trail was found again, and by dinner, I was back in the saddle again...adzuki bean hotpot, anyone?
In other notes today, I had a wonderful time knitting with my dawn knitting group and then this afternoon I revisited my yarn store and hung out and stitched with friends, which was great. Read through IEPs and school reports, talked more about the topic no one wants to talk about, and am basically worn out. Going to bed in hopes of having fabulous energy to bring to bear on tomorrow's adventures.
In other notes today, I had a wonderful time knitting with my dawn knitting group and then this afternoon I revisited my yarn store and hung out and stitched with friends, which was great. Read through IEPs and school reports, talked more about the topic no one wants to talk about, and am basically worn out. Going to bed in hopes of having fabulous energy to bring to bear on tomorrow's adventures.
Life does it's best to intervene
Does this happen to you? Of course it does; "The best laid plans of mice and men..." had to come from some fundamental truths in the world, right? Well, folks, I am here to tell you that, at least at this moment in time, I am feeling flexible enough to bend and flow, take life's curveballs in stride, and keep on running.
What does that mean? Instead of being two days further ahead on my food plan, I spent three days trying to get through Day 10. Yesterday, finally, I achieved a measure of success, and ate the foods listed on Day 10! A round of applause would be acceptable here. I am full to the bursting, and not only because I am eating loads of vegetables. No, my pride has been significantly bolstered. Here's why:
Originally, you may recall, I set out to go through this 28-day cycle in my food plan with no variations. Those, I told myself, could come in the next rounds. Well, that went out the window within the first week. In the past, my tendencies to approach the world from a black and white, all or nothing perspective would have prompted me to "start over," go back to Day 1. This time, however, something clicked for me. And so, here I am, on Day 11, having reframed the issue and feeling incredibly excited that I managed to keep going.
Part of the reason? Well, one of these curveballs is about my children. And you know what? I realized that yes, I did have the choice to completely fall back on emotional eating, but that I *knew* my body would respond with physical ailments. And really, at this moment, my kids need me, and they need me to be as strong and full of reserves as I can be.
Hence, great quantities of really high quality food keep pouring down my gullet, much to my body's delight. Happily, my adult life has also been bolstered with plenty of community and even a couple of parties (!) and life is not only looking manageable, but possibly even downright good. Hoop on, guys.
What does that mean? Instead of being two days further ahead on my food plan, I spent three days trying to get through Day 10. Yesterday, finally, I achieved a measure of success, and ate the foods listed on Day 10! A round of applause would be acceptable here. I am full to the bursting, and not only because I am eating loads of vegetables. No, my pride has been significantly bolstered. Here's why:
Originally, you may recall, I set out to go through this 28-day cycle in my food plan with no variations. Those, I told myself, could come in the next rounds. Well, that went out the window within the first week. In the past, my tendencies to approach the world from a black and white, all or nothing perspective would have prompted me to "start over," go back to Day 1. This time, however, something clicked for me. And so, here I am, on Day 11, having reframed the issue and feeling incredibly excited that I managed to keep going.
Part of the reason? Well, one of these curveballs is about my children. And you know what? I realized that yes, I did have the choice to completely fall back on emotional eating, but that I *knew* my body would respond with physical ailments. And really, at this moment, my kids need me, and they need me to be as strong and full of reserves as I can be.
Hence, great quantities of really high quality food keep pouring down my gullet, much to my body's delight. Happily, my adult life has also been bolstered with plenty of community and even a couple of parties (!) and life is not only looking manageable, but possibly even downright good. Hoop on, guys.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Numbers, just the numbers, folks
pounds lost so far: 11 (!!!)
inches around waist: 3 (!!)
clothes size: down 1
snowfall today in Rochester so far: about 12 inches
Predictions:
4-6 more inches of snow
goal: to see approximately 1/2 of my 2010 self, eventually!
Brag for the day: Despite monumental crisis in the family today, the only deviation from my plan has been a quite deliberate order of a decaf coffee, of which I drank about 1/3. To say I am proud of myself would be an understatement. If I manage to get through the night without eating an entire (or even half) pizza, I will count it as a victory. Emotional eating, it turns out, is very hard to walk away from (who knew?)
Off to snowblow...
inches around waist: 3 (!!)
clothes size: down 1
snowfall today in Rochester so far: about 12 inches
Predictions:
4-6 more inches of snow
goal: to see approximately 1/2 of my 2010 self, eventually!
Brag for the day: Despite monumental crisis in the family today, the only deviation from my plan has been a quite deliberate order of a decaf coffee, of which I drank about 1/3. To say I am proud of myself would be an understatement. If I manage to get through the night without eating an entire (or even half) pizza, I will count it as a victory. Emotional eating, it turns out, is very hard to walk away from (who knew?)
Off to snowblow...
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